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2019–2025 · 7 seasons · 1 up / 0 down

Blake Hansen

“The Machine”

Efficiency with the personality of a spreadsheet.

Teams: A Dingo Ate My Brady · Kung Suh Panda · Ridley Me This · Teenage Mutant Ninja TEs · Tow MAYEter

Scouting report

Blake Hansen has played 7 seasons for a 63-33 record and precisely nothing to show anyone.

Up 1 time, down never. Gravity clearly filed an exemption.

+7.89 luck. Beat every low score in the league and calls it management.

Lucas Horton is less an opponent than a recurring medical condition: 4-5.

2020: traded Latavius Murray (RB); Jerick McKinnon (RB) away. The league voted it a public service — for the other guy.

Auto-generated from real numbers. Take it up with the spreadsheet.

Titles
0
Record
63-33
Win %
66%
PPG
165.8
Playoffs
10-9
Luck
+7.89
Trades
20

Trophy cabinet & rap sheet

2 earned · 12 still out of reach.

☠ Glass Cannon

Big points, no trophy

🏆 Only Way Is Up

Promoted without ever being relegated

🔒 Ring Owner

0 titles

🔒 Dynasty

Three or more titles

🔒 Bridesmaid

Runner-up, never champion

🔒 Yo-Yo

1 tier moves — joint most in the league

🔒 Trapdoor Specialist

0 relegations

🔒 Basement Dweller

0 wooden spoons

🔒 Trade Addict

20 trades — league leader

🔒 The Ghost

Career-low waiver activity

🔒 Unluckiest

Luck rating 7.89

🔒 Ironman

7 straight seasons

🔒 One-Hit Wonder

Exactly one title, nothing else on the podium

🔒 Veto Victim

0 trades struck down

Nemesis & bunny

Nemesis

Lucas Horton

5–4 in 9 meetings

Bunny

Lucas Horton

5–4 in 9 meetings

Career shape

The climb

Tier by season

Higher is a higher tier — promotions up, relegations down.

Points per game

You vs the league

Gold is this manager; teal is the league average that season.

Wins by season

Regular season

Gold wins, muted losses.

Season by season

  1. 2025Tow MAYEterPremiership T18-6 · 2,451 pts · Third3
  2. 2024Tow MAYEter▲ promoted into Premiership T19-5 · 2,672 pts · finished 55
  3. 2023Teenage Mutant Ninja TEsChampionship T210-4 · 2,437 pts · Third3
  4. 2022A Dingo Ate My BradyChampionship T210-4 · 2,283 pts · finished 55
  5. 2021Kung Suh PandaChampionship T29-5 · 2,141 pts · finished 77
  6. 2020Ridley Me ThisChampionship T210-3 · 1,964 pts · finished 55
  7. 2019Kung Suh PandaChampionship T27-6 · 1,974 pts · finished 66

Honours

Trade ledger, graded

Grades come from asset volume, premium positions and how the season actually went afterwards. Entirely unofficial, completely binding.

Hall of shame — worst deal

D

2020 with Hamish Jardin

Gave Latavius Murray (RB); Jerick McKinnon (RB) · Got Tyreek Hill (WR)

Rough. Very rough.

Best bit of business

A-

2022 with Chris Seibt

Gave Adam Thielen (WR); Bradley Chubb (LB) · Got Mike Evans (WR)

Won it comfortably.

  1. B2025 Premiership · W12 · with Aaron MitchellGot Trey McBride; Bijan Robinson · Gave Davante Adams; Jaylen Waddle; Kyren WilliamsSolid bit of business.
  2. B-2024 Premiership · W14 · with Xander BarnardGot Jonathan Taylor · Gave Rico DowdleMarginal win.
  3. B-2024 Premiership · W15 · with Xander BarnardGot Jalen Hurts · Gave T.J. HockensonMarginal win.
  4. B-2023 Championship · W1 · with Lucas HortonGot Courtland Sutton · Gave Jerry JeudyMarginal win.
  5. B-2023 Championship · W3 · with Lucas HortonGot 25 FAAB · Gave 25 FAABMarginal win.
  6. C-2023 Championship · W11 · with Andy CoyleGot Jake Ferguson · Gave Jaylen WarrenSlightly fleeced.
  7. B2023 Championship · W12 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Davante Adams · Gave James Conner; Courtland SuttonSolid bit of business.
  8. B2023 Championship · W15 · with Sam TangGot Jalen Pitre · Gave Darren WallerSolid bit of business.
  9. B2022 Championship · W5 · with Fraser ReidGot Najee Harris (RB) · Gave Amari Cooper (WR); Tony Pollard (RB)Solid bit of business.
  10. B2022 Championship · W1 · with Fraser ReidGot Christian McCaffrey (RB) · Gave Darren Waller (TE); David Montgomery (RB)Solid bit of business.
  11. A-2022 Championship · W14 · with Chris SeibtGot Mike Evans (WR) · Gave Adam Thielen (WR); Bradley Chubb (LB)Won it comfortably.
  12. C-2022 Championship · W4 · with Silvan RoschGot Tremaine Edmunds (LB); Tony Pollard (RB) · Gave Lavonte David (LB); Talanoa Hufanga (DB)Slightly fleeced.
  13. A-2021 Championship · W7 · with Fraser ReidGot Courtland Sutton (WR); Michael Pittman (WR) · Gave James Conner (RB)Won it comfortably.
  14. D2020 Championship · W7 · with Hamish JardinGot Tyreek Hill (WR) · Gave Latavius Murray (RB); Jerick McKinnon (RB)Rough. Very rough.
  15. B-2020 Championship · W8 · with Silvan RoschGot Ezekiel Elliott (RB); Henry Ruggs III (WR) · Gave Brandin Cooks (WR); David Johnson (RB)Marginal win.
  16. D2020 Championship · W9 · with Hamish JardinGot Amari Cooper (WR) · Gave Le'Veon Bell (RB)Rough. Very rough.
  17. B-2020 Championship · W12 · with Michael JenkinsGot Derek Carr (QB) · Gave Frank Gore (RB)Marginal win.
  18. C2019 Championship · W1 · with Silvan RoschGot Melvin Gordon (RB) · Gave Christian Kirk (WR)Nothing happened.
  19. D2019 Championship · W8 · with Silvan RoschGot T.Y. Hilton (WR) · Gave Jarvis Landry (WR); James White (RB)Rough. Very rough.
  20. C-2019 Championship · W9 · with AntonyGot Odell Beckham (WR) · Gave Melvin Gordon (RB)Slightly fleeced.

Head to head