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2016–2024 · 9 seasons · 0 up / 0 down

Ben Tui

“The Bridesmaid”

Perpetual runner-up, permanent grievance.

Teams: BlackBirdGang · Hakuna Ma Ngata · SuggsToBeYou · Honest to Godwin · Keen? Najee

Scouting report

9 seasons of 51-70 football, all of it entirely unrewarded.

The 2016 deal with Duhan Barnard — gave up Eddie Lacy (RB) — remains legally admissible evidence of poor judgement.

Carrying a +1.75 luck rating, which is another way of saying the results lied.

4-4 against Gavin de Wit, and the fixture is still circled with hope every year.

Dead last in 2016. Not a slump, a tradition.

1 final, 1 loss. A specialist in the second-best speech.

Auto-generated from real numbers. Take it up with the spreadsheet.

Titles
0
Record
51-70
Win %
42%
PPG
160.3
Playoffs
12-11
Luck
+1.75
Trades
26

Trophy cabinet & rap sheet

3 earned · 11 still out of reach.

☠ Bridesmaid

Runner-up, never champion

☠ Glass Cannon

Big points, no trophy

🏆 Ironman

9 straight seasons

🔒 Ring Owner

0 titles

🔒 Dynasty

Three or more titles

🔒 Yo-Yo

0 tier moves — joint most in the league

🔒 Trapdoor Specialist

0 relegations

🔒 Basement Dweller

1 wooden spoon

🔒 Trade Addict

26 trades — league leader

🔒 The Ghost

Career-low waiver activity

🔒 Unluckiest

Luck rating 1.75

🔒 One-Hit Wonder

Exactly one title, nothing else on the podium

🔒 Only Way Is Up

Promoted without ever being relegated

🔒 Veto Victim

0 trades struck down

Nemesis & bunny

Nemesis

Gavin de Wit

4–4 in 8 meetings

Bunny

Duhan Barnard

6–2 in 8 meetings

Career shape

The climb

Tier by season

Higher is a higher tier — promotions up, relegations down.

Points per game

You vs the league

Gold is this manager; teal is the league average that season.

Wins by season

Regular season

Gold wins, muted losses.

Season by season

  1. 2024Keen? NajeeChampionship T22-12 · 2,122 pts · finished 88
  2. 2023Honest to GodwinChampionship T24-10 · 2,369 pts · finished 1010
  3. 2022Hakuna Ma NgataPremiership T13-11 · 1,884 pts · finished 1515
  4. 2021Hakuna Ma NgataPremiership T18-6 · 2,148 pts · Runner-up2
  5. 2020Hakuna Ma NgataPremiership T110-3 · 2,283 pts · finished 66
  6. 2019Hakuna Ma NgataPremiership T17-6 · 2,082 pts · finished 1515
  7. 2018SuggsToBeYouPremiership T17-6 · 2,284 pts · finished 44
  8. 2017SuggsToBeYouPremiership T16-7 · 2,186 pts · finished 99
  9. 2016BlackBirdGangPremiership T14-9 · 2,041 pts · finished 14 · wooden spoon14

Honours

Trade ledger, graded

Grades come from asset volume, premium positions and how the season actually went afterwards. Entirely unofficial, completely binding.

Hall of shame — worst deal

F

2016 with Duhan Barnard

Gave Eddie Lacy (RB) · Got Latavius Murray (RB)

Hall of shame material.

Best bit of business

A-

2021 with Jeremy Borland

Gave Brandon Bolden (RB) · Got Carlos Hyde (RB)

Won it comfortably.

  1. B2024 Championship · W1 · with Lucas HortonGot Raheem Mostert; Jared Goff · Gave Patrick MahomesSolid bit of business.
  2. D2024 Championship · W2 · with Fraser ReidGot Christian McCaffrey; A.J. Brown · Gave Joe Mixon; Jaylen Waddle; Zamir White; Xavier WorthyRough. Very rough.
  3. B-2024 Championship · W8 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Alvin Kamara; Jalen Tolbert; Marvin Harrison · Gave Raheem Mostert; A.J. BrownMarginal win.
  4. D2024 Championship · W12 · with Andreas CooperGot Matthew Stafford; Javonte Williams · Gave Justin HerbertRough. Very rough.
  5. C-2024 Championship · W17 · with Simon BarnesGot Blake Cashman; Elijah Moore · Gave Matthew StaffordSlightly fleeced.
  6. B-2023 Championship · W4 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Terry McLaurin; Logan Wilson; Travis Etienne · Gave Gus Edwards; Justin JeffersonMarginal win.
  7. C2022 Premiership · W4 · with Andy CoyleGot Matt Ryan (QB); Devin Duvernay (WR); Michael Carter (RB) · Gave Jalen Hurts (QB)Nothing happened.
  8. A-2021 Premiership · W4 · with Jesse RobertsonGot Danielle Hunter (DL); Marquise Brown (WR) · Gave DK Metcalf (WR)Won it comfortably.
  9. A-2021 Premiership · W11 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Carlos Hyde (RB) · Gave Brandon Bolden (RB)Won it comfortably.
  10. A-2020 Premiership · W6 · with Jamie RobertsonGot Nick Chubb (RB) · Gave Stefon Diggs (WR)Won it comfortably.
  11. C-2020 Premiership · W1 · with Duhan BarnardGot Joe Schobert (LB); Allen Lazard (WR) · Gave Odell Beckham Jr. (WR)Slightly fleeced.
  12. D2019 Premiership · W6 · with Jesse RobertsonGot Marvin Jones (WR); Royce Freeman (RB) · Gave Mike Evans (WR)Rough. Very rough.
  13. F2019 Premiership · W13 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Russell Wilson (QB); Chris Carson (RB); Christian Kirk (WR) · Gave Emmanuel Sanders (WR); Jarvis Landry (WR); Kenyan Drake (RB)Hall of shame material.
  14. D2018 Premiership · W4 · with Cameron RichardsonGot Devin Funchess (WR); Alex Collins (RB) · Gave Dion Lewis (RB); Isaiah Crowell (RB); Amari Cooper (WR)Rough. Very rough.
  15. C-2018 Premiership · W5 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Kareem Hunt (RB); JuJu Smith-Schuster (WR) · Gave Melvin Gordon (RB)Slightly fleeced.
  16. B2018 Premiership · W5 · with Duhan BarnardGot Emmanuel Sanders (WR) · Gave Tyreek Hill (WR)Solid bit of business.
  17. D2018 Premiership · W9 · with Jeremy BorlandGot A.J. Green (WR) · Gave Devin Funchess (WR); Nick Chubb (RB)Rough. Very rough.
  18. B2017 Premiership · W1 · with RyanGot Jerry Hughes (DL); T.Y. Hilton (WR) · Gave Emmanuel Sanders (WR); Leonard Williams (DL)Solid bit of business.
  19. F2016 Premiership · W6 · with Andreas CooperGot LeGarrette Blount (RB) · Gave Jeremy Maclin (WR); Frank Gore (RB)Hall of shame material.
  20. F2016 Premiership · W7 · with Andreas CooperGot T.Y. Hilton (WR) · Gave Brandon Marshall (WR)Hall of shame material.
  21. F2016 Premiership · W2 · with Jamie RobertsonGot Jeremy Maclin (WR); Thomas Rawls (RB) · Gave Ryan Mathews (RB)Hall of shame material.
  22. C-2016 Premiership · W11 · with Simon BarnesGot Philip Rivers (QB); Darren Sproles (RB) · Gave Michael Thomas (WR)Slightly fleeced.
  23. F2016 Premiership · W4 · with Duhan BarnardGot Latavius Murray (RB) · Gave Eddie Lacy (RB)Hall of shame material.
  24. C-2016 Premiership · W4 · with Jeremy BorlandGot Andy Dalton (QB); DeAngelo Williams (RB) · Gave Jonathan Stewart (RB)Slightly fleeced.
  25. D2016 Premiership · W4 · with Andreas CooperGot Brandon Marshall (WR); Jason Witten (TE); Frank Gore (RB) · Gave Rob Gronkowski (TE); Jordan Matthews (WR)Rough. Very rough.
  26. C-2016 Premiership · W5 · with Andy CoyleGot Zach Miller (TE); Cameron Artis-Payne (RB); Wendell Smallwood (RB) · Gave Latavius Murray (RB)Slightly fleeced.

Head to head